can’t take it anymore

almost can’t take it anymore… i wonder how long will be able to stay patient n to accept everything i face every hour of my life…

this time, really…it’s seriously “meteor hit the earth” !!!!!!!!! wat a match!!!!! it’s so ironic that faith has brought these 2 together….

so tired of keeping awake… so fed up with things.. every single thing… wonder how long can i hang on to it…

i juz can’t take it anymore with the things i did n i didn’t do! not others!!!!!! :@

poor

another poor month….

i realized that i’m poorer when im working compared to when i’m not!

jux got my paycheck in less than 48 hrs…..

yet… started counting down the days left til the next paycheck day!!!

mixed

i no longer feel offended… mayb i still do… maybe not…. =,=”

but definitely, i feel bad… when i think of the things i did n i didnt do… which i shdn’t actually feel bad… y so good?? shdn’t feel bad!! shd continue doing wat i did… n not doing wat i didnt =P

however, i know i shdn’t have behave in such a way… one thing for sure.. it’s something from within… i’ve controlled it well, actually… at least i didnt do wat i really really shdn’t do….. well, all i did was juz “ignore”…. the best that i can do, the best way to calm myself down…. the best “reply”…

………. bed time…… … hence…. started crapping…. =)

O-F-F-E-N-D-E-D

I AM SO

O-F-F-E-N-D-E-D

Questions ???

why afraid?

why hide?

why avoid?

why lock up urself?

why living so real?

life = reality + fantasies… isn’t it?

why don’t give urself a chance?

why have I not……….

til it strikes me… back to the past

a friend of mine mentioned about someone…. i totally forgotten about this person… lol… which i don’t think i shd… cos of some silly memories.. well, anyways, i did.. i forgotten about this person…and…… perhaps a few more…

sitting here, looking back at those things i’ve done, we’ve done… it really makes me wanna laugh at my own stupidness, childishness!! but then again.. without that, there won’t be me here today! it’s becos of those silly things i did.. that made me grow… to be someone better from time to time!

i really wonder, what makes me to have such guts to do the things i did before.. (ps: nothing really like vandalisme, gangsterisme, taking drugs etc) perhaps, it was because of peer pressures or some kinda influences… i’m easily influenced back in school… and easily influence other people as well.. LOL

perhaps.. this is school life… u go to school… u do silly stuffs… LOL… cos there’s juz too much time spent in school!! LOL

well, again, like I said.. if nobody ever mention anybody’s name.. whoever it may be.. some acquaintances… i might totally forget about them… even we might have some moments where we spent together…

back at those days… i hated schools.. especially my Form 6… but right now, sitting here looking back… recalling back those times I spent with my buddies.. n the things I did n I never do… I kinda miss it a little… well, at least school life was better than working life.. u don’t spend 8 hrs or + at school… the longest… 5 to 6hrs… n u go to school.. u learn new stuffs everyday… u got peers… u mixed with them… group together.. plan up something n “cari pasal” then.. LOL… sat in class everyday praying hard that the tutors will never come in.. so we could sit there n chat whole day!! always “ponteng” schools giving lame reasons like sleeping/”sakit” LOL…. homework waited til other smart classmates completed it, then juz COPY & PASTE.. LOL (i wish i can do that now!!!)

u can’t definitely do such things now.. is either, u find it childish.. or u might end up doing illegal things.. LOL.. or u might not have those peers to do it with u… the “mood” is just no longer there!!! well, worse still.. u will be sacked if u “ponteng” by giving lame excuses like “i was sleeping at home” (i always tell that to my class teacher n i was a school prefect!! LOL) or.. if serious case.. u could face legal sanctions..
back in school, it was more like a “wonderland” … nothing seems so real… people are naive.. i “am” naive.. hehe.. no matter how bad some school mates were… at the end of the day… u will realized that… they were just being naive…. but right now… LIFE is REAL… A REALITY! people might no longer b naive, but real.. a real FAKER or an EVIL… u never know….

wow… i seriously forgotten about this person… whom I don’t think i shd forgotten about.. HAHAHA.. i wonder how many others who has left a mark in my heart i’ve actually forgotten….. HAHAHA… again, i really wonder what led me to do things i did back then.. LOL.. those things.. if i sit down n “think” back then.. those were the things i wouldn’t do… not just now.. but even then….

well, those were the “good” ol days… without it… there won’t be ME, just the way I am today I admit, I “woke up” from all those instances… to be ME (uniquely me… hehehehehe :P)