what else better than this?? tell me!

wow.. had a great day out today… feels like back to the good old days.. but at the same time, feeling like, i’m getting old d… there’s so much of my history now.. some i rmb, some i dont….

today, i went out "sapu jalan" at times sq with my buddies.. main thing was to karaoke..! wat else can we do there??? hahaha.. if u cant find me at anytime.. juz hit any nearby karaoke places, u can sure find me… tht is my second home..

as usual… i sing sing sing.. the others gila gila punya camwhore pompuan having better to do, but to snap as much as gila pic as they could.. wit face facing up.. some facing down, some closing the eyes.. "wat is this?? 38!! lol" hahhaa.. well, if they weren’t camwhoring, wat else can they be doing?? they dunno the lyrics to song im singing, they dont even noe the songs im singing.. (mind u, im not singing those folks songs, or opera k, i was singing some new songs..) wahahahaha… so wat i did was.. I SING SING SING N SING!!! muahahahahahahahaha… tht is my life! i dont k, u all go camwhore la… i juz wanna sing.. n oso as usual, everytime after they learnt the songs, that songs will not be the songs i pick n choose to sing any longer… lol…. hey guys, we gotta move with times… not always with the same songs!!! lol well, maybe one/two of them la… wakakakakakakkaka (outdated d la wei!!! HAHAHA)

after hours of conquering the mic (most of the hours) finally it has come to an end… aihzz.. got so many songs stil haven sing.. well, we at first decided to bowl.. but then.. hmm, better to sit down n crap.. so we end up having a drink in starbucks n sat there for almost 2 to 3 hours.. maybe.. talking about past, present n future! it’s jz fun.. hehe

past was back in school time.. wat we did in schools, wat we did with our class teachers, wat we said about the teachers after they walked out of class, or the way the dressed up.. n how they acted.. (some really weird) lol, n some classmates really pyscho, really really need "anger management" or perhaps, a psycho treatment, so tht they dont simply go to other classes to yell at the teacher n the class students, n not to other classmates which they hated… lol, oso how, "some" ppl ignored some pyscho frens, whilst the whole class was laughing at it.. until the class teacher cant stand it… wahahhaa .. right now, tt’s all history.. which oso sweet memory… but back then, it was a hatred thingy…! like a "BOMB" bursting… lol

it was really history… my history where we ran away from classes during school hours, going to makan makan outside with the head prefect, n we ourselves were prefect… lol how rebelious we were used to be.. as we were like "kaki pembangkang" in all events! n my history was tht the more i m a prefect, the more often i break the rules!!! i’m always late for duty… but definitely, got good excuses which exempted me from having my merits being reduced, also, always absent! hahaha.. it’s like in a week, 7 days, i mayb attended with a average of 4 days to school… the max is 4 days.. sometimes i might only attend 3 days outta 5 days school… wahahhaa.. well, of course, i got MCs… lol (btw, mind u, i only doing this in form 6, cos i really hated going to school during form 6, i dislikes the new enviroment, dislikes doing form 6!! i never do tht during my whole schooling life but rite now, i kinda missed it..) wow~ i elaborated too much! this is my secret… which some ppl who knew it, might not have remember it at all… hahaha

well, to make long story short… form 6 was fun n unforgettable cos.. it was the most critical level of study yet we all the most playful time in our schooling history!! we play play play n play, we never study!! amongst my buddies.. i was the most terrible one la… when i lost interest in doing sth.. "gone" i tell u, my spirit is gone! i wont do very good, trust me… cos i really dint do well… lol

speaking of which, i used to point my fingers at other ppl who "caused" me doing form 6.. but later.. i realized tht.. i shdn’t be doing such! cos, in the end, the end result, the decision is still made by me.. not others.. summary; it was all my fault! but, at the same time, i had made my history to be more "colourful" by doing form 6, if not, i would not have been me today, i would not have these bunch of buddies, i would not have a really "cool" n supportive teacher whom i still keep in touch with!

hmm… looking back at the things we used to worry about, was juz a small matter to us today… if compared to our worries today… argh… also, considering tomorrow’s worries… aiyo.. i wanna pengsan!

past : worries about exams, homeworks, no time to sleep

present : worries about exams, results, monies, relationships, family, future/career

future : worries about future, monies, work, relationships, families, getting old

the degree n level of the worries increase from time to time.. it gets more n more serious from time to time… our topics when we sat down alot much differs from today from the the day before which was juz one year ago! tht was like we were still talking about, wat course n which campus are we going to… n now, today… out topic was.. wat u gonna do since u graduated? / wat kinda job u going for?

haizzz… there’s different phases of life… where there is a turning point where decision has to be made… it gets harder n harder from 1 phase to another phase…

well oh well…… i dare not imagine myself working in a law firm, or giving legal advice… tht is so not me…

wat else is better than my "goal" / "dream" ? will i get there someday??

read them? forget about them?

previously, when i first started my LLB, i was told to keep myself updated with the latest news especially the politics, knowing the latest news going on especially in UK, as i was at tht time, doing a subject called Public Law…

honestly, i hate reading newspaper, i hate watching the news on tv, neither do i like listening to news on the radio… i juz hate to noe about the NEWS! if possible juz get the NEWS out of my world… but it is impossible, no matter wat, more or less, NEWS plays an important part in my life though…

i havent been really keeping up with the latest news lately.. it gets lesser n lesser from time to time…there’s nothing GOOD about reading news… everyday the news are juz reporting about the bad things, hardly about good things…

if it’s not about rape cases, it’s about robbery,or.. it’s about the disasters, floods, fire… whose dead n whose not… awwwww!!!!

a beautiful day would become a stressful day.. i noe i shdn’t be influenced by wat i read… but it does bothers me… i feel pity, afraid, worry n of course i do concern…

when i read about rape reports, i feel pity for tht victim, i have so much of hatred on tht rapist, they r animals!!!! i feel scared, terrified… when i read about disasters reports.. it’s so sad.. n so worrying at the same time… i felt like, God is giving out final warning! it’s time to punish people!!! it’s really scary… especially on wars, terrorist… rage… awww!!

i can read it n forget about it.. but.. i cant forget some especially, it has been reported almost daily, if not about the same case, but it’s the same type of cases????

the same type of crime or disaster but happens almost everyday but to different people, different places… n it’s increasing….

i hardly read any news lately.. i switch off the tv everytime it’s news time! i dont even bother to click to thestar.com.my or www.nst.com.my as much as i did before… even if i do… i browse thru it fastly…

it is not NEWS it’s not sth new.. it is……

wat can i really do?

when ur buddies are in dilemma, need someone to talk to.. wat can u do to help??

i felt helpless… i wish i can really do sth to help them get out of such dilemma.. but i cant.. i m not them.. i m not in their shoes.. only they themselves noe it best wat r they into, wat they feeling n wat they want.. i may not have the slightest idea about wat they want… or wat thy going thru.. i might noe bits of here n there.. but they r the actors… i cant do much…

all i can do is juz listen… but i felt tht is not enough… maybe to some, they might think tht, being a listener is the best help we can ever give to a fren.. but..

hmmm.. well, maybe it’s true.. like i said, im nobody but juz a bystander… all i can do is juz to listen.. i cant really advise them.. they decision is up to them to make.. i m not them.. i cant be teaching them wat they shd b doing… n i SHOULD NOT do so…

perhaps asking them questions leading them to the answers tht thy have.. is oso a solution?? well, maybe… but… most, duno the answers! tt’s y thy r in dilemma.. oh…!

especially when tht person is ur BUDDY! do u now how i define BUDDY?? to me, buddy = good, close, best frens!!

i wish i can do the best for them, as possible as i could..

but at this point, i really do feel hopeless, like as if im not helping at all…. wat can i say to make them feel better when thy are sad, mad, devastated n confused??

wat can i do for them???

technically, i have always been in dilemma myself… the best solution is to talk to someone.. having some support at least… clearing off my minds by having a chat with them in a way, getting to noe where the prob lies…. tht is when u find the answers….

but then again, different ppl deal with probs differently..

i really do hope.. X is doing good now…

good or bad?? anyhow, im so still upset with such a decision!

once i logged into my msn, i’ve got mail.. well, so i went n check.. haiz.. it’s from 183 Club forum…

it was really sad.. to hear tht my fav member of my fav boyband, Jacky Zhu has been sacked from the band for his misbehaviour… at first glance, i really do blame the manager (sun de rong) for his dictator behaviour for sacking a band member juz because he is a "playboy" (wat??) but after checking from few sources, i found tht perhaps there could be other reasons for sacking him out of the band, due to his drug involvment!!

i seriously cant believe wat i read! he is involved with drug!!!

then i think about it again, perhaps, this is y sun de rong sacking Jacky from the band! but nobody noes about this.. as sun de rong personally, apart from this case, he was known to be someone pretty cruel to his employees (im not too sure about this)

well, it’s pretty sad tht they band has one member less, n he is the lead singer! he is the only one who can really sings in the band! the others, well, so-so.. it seems to me, the others depended on their looks… it’s no longer 183 club feel any longer, the very moment jacky left the band~!

i do firmly believe that, wherever Jacky goes, he will have a great successful career ahead! he will! he is very potential!

when one door closes the other will open up!

i believe that when u lost sth in life… u would someday somehow regain it back… sth will be able to be retrieved, yet sth might not… then, perhaps… the maxim will kicks in! u will regain sth else… much better than wat u had lost….

losing n gaining is part n parcel of life… we juz have to get used to it… no matter watever we had lost… we have to bear with it… life is too short, to mourn over our lost things… or lost persons…. unless we r like cats.. having 9 lives… but we don’t!

few days passed… after mourning n devastating…. lol… like as if… well, i’ve finally able to retrieve back parts of the missing songs… but.. not to those pix.. hmm.. only some are still there… perhaps these are wat God wanted me to do.. during this holiday! lol… better than me doing nothing…

like sleeping.. eating.. watching tv… being like a useless… =,=" well, but aren’t this holidays??? is so hardly i will get holidays!!! no like most unis n colls… mine is giler one!

well, before holiday, i promised someone to work for them in a pharmacy.. but right now.. i kinda regretted for making such promise.. well, tts y i always tell those ppl around me… "don’t make me make any promises" y???

cos, i don’t really keep my promises! almost all my promises are bare promises! only if i make it voluntarily.. after making consideration… after long thoughts… then, tht promises is reliable…

well oh well, for those who i dont keep my promises.. u cant sue me for all the intent n purposes… LOL

speaking of which, working in a pharmacy in a shopping complex.. i have to start my work n end my work exactly the same time as the complex is! awww!! damn it!! n i dont think i will get holidays on weekends.. cos this is not pharmacies like guardian or watson or watsoever.. this is my dad’s fren pharmacy.. this is a "sendirian berhad" company.. haiz…. summore it is my dad’s FREN!!! if it’s any other employment, i would juz call n say "aku tak mau kerja" .. LOL… but this.. i cant say i cant do so.. but not seems so good la…

aihzz… but i cant really regret for the things i did.. n i dont usually do.. as most of the time, i dont even allow myself to do so! regretting is a waste of time… instead of wasting time, y dont we do sth to overcome it??

well, perhaps, i shall look at this in a positive point of view.. that, the longest it may lasts is only for 1 n a half month… i get salary! it’s my dad’s fren, whom i noe him too… i believe he wont "abuse" me (in terms of employment)

apart from the negative point of view which are, i cant sing, i cant watch my tv shows, n i cant hang out with my buddies… i suppose nothing else more… n oh, i cant hang out with my mom!

but these are juz lame reasons… it’s only 1 month!!!! to get sth, u have to lose sth…

i m so devastated!

why???!!! yday i lost all my pix… sth which i cant retrieve back… which oredy tore my heart into pieces..! n now.. wat?? worse~!

i really really do feel damn miserable, not til the extent end of the world yet… but.. i m so sad! so devastated… sth is missing in my life! u can never understand, how priceless all these stuffs mean to me.. they may be juz a piece of pix… juz songs… but u never noe how i got it.. how much time i spent on them… all my efforts… i deleted almost all my songs! which i have no copies of them at all!!!

some can be downloaded again.. but some, it’s not so easy to find them… not easy to download…

:{

these few days are r most unluckiest day of all!!!!!

everybody will at least sth tht matters to them.. n when thy lose it.. they will feel extremely upset… n everybody has their very own different things they cherish.. n tht matters to them.. to me… almost everything matters alot to me… watever it may be.. as long as tht thing belongs to me… until n unless i decided to give up on it.. if i lose it in anyway.. i cant stop thinking about it… i will definitely feel damn hard..

moreover, this time.. it’s my songs! it’s all my pix (in a way, it’s all my memories…) all these really really do mean alot to me… n now… it’s all gone! i have to spend my time n energy to retrieve all tht i could possibly retrieve.. n learn to let go things, which can never be retrieved anymore!

do i sound crazy??

i have no idea.. all i noe now.. i juz cant stop thinking of wat i’ve lost! i m so so devastated.. wat can i do??

everything happens for a reason.. but most of the reason for the things that happend.. i would say.. i really really really hate it badly…! perhaps i dint c yet.. the rationale behind the reasons…..

is it time to be BAD LUCK again!?!

well.. in chinese maxim "once sueh, will continue being sueh" oh yes! i feel like i m being so "sueh" now!!! damn damn unlucky!! really really bad… first, exams! i really do feel like hell, during exams itself.. my modem got struck by lightning… well, no big deal! cos the next day, tm net came n replace me a new one…

but later i realized my laptop speaker was not functioning! it has no sound! god damn it!!!!

well, again! NO BIG DEAL!! so i juz left it… i tot after exam… my life is gonna be much more easier.. i can finally surfing the net.. downloading songs… well oh well.. damn shit chinese websites! again! it hits… trojan!! who the hell created trojans??? it keeps infecting my laptop! for the 2nd time!

arghhh!

i got so damn depressed everytime anything were to happen to my laptop or pc… i feel lifeless! having no pc.. cos all my songs are in it! no internet worst! i lost in touch with the world.. (technically)

right after my laptop got trojan.. i was struggling to get ppl to fix it for me… to format it.. well, i noe it’s an easy task… anybody can do it.. even i can do it myself.. but i din wanna take such a risk! n those who can help FOC, they take their own sweet time.. or maybe they r bz with their work.. well, i understands that.. no prob.. moreover, it’s my prob.. i cant burden them with my prob…

so, i decided to find a technician.. stupid huh?? whn i can do it myself, but wanna go spend some money…?? well, i needed these ppl, cos at least, they are expertise at least in this field.. where i dont have to take risk.. n they can help me reinstall the windows, the softwares n all…. especially antivirus!

damn shit! i was so blinded.. trying to clear some files, before sending to the technician tho i noe, thy gonna back up for me.. but i tot i needed some privacy… well, guess wat? i deleted all my photos.. taken long time ago.. which now i cant retrieve them back for the rest of my life! well, it doesnt sound so serious, but it means alot to me! pictures r all my memories! they r all my happiness! (stupid huh?)

i dint realized till now.. when i was planning to burn it into my dvd! cos i tot, i might have to send this laptop back to the technician.. as i feel like.. my system has been infected AGAIN! with trojan! damn it! wat the sh*t! if not, till later only will i realized that…

i was telling jo-N.. tht.. now she should now… y i always feel how stupid n useless i can be at times.. n y do i hate myself so bad at times! now u too, noe it.. dont u?

well, perhaps, ppl might thing, wat’s so big deal???

but to me, every single thing that belongs to me… watever it may be.. it’s a valuable thing! i means at least sth to me! n i do admit, that i m a perfectionist.. i need everything to be in order.. in good condition! i assume n expect n will always look for the perfect technician who can gives me perfect services.. well, yet to be found!

haizz..

can u believe it?? well, u have to!

wow!!! after having days in HELL!!! finally it’s over! oh yes, it’s OVER!!!!!!!!!

after suffering for weeks before exams.. n months even before exams… it has finally over… well… tho it’s not the end.. but for this time round… it is finally over!!!

i really do feel like living in hell! study for almost everything… keep sitting there, memorising…. n understanding it.. but wat happened?? well, in the end, it didnt come out at all! or… it come out in a total different way… well.. thts not my concern.. the most important.. is that i completed 4 questions! (as required)

well well well.. though the exam is over… i dont think it’s the end.. more to worry… haizzz.. life.. cant i juz live a simple life?? can i opt not to have any exams in my life???? well.. speaking of which… another worry to come… in august is that the result!!! oh GOSH!! i might n i can.. no problem.. ignoring it.. by not thinking about the result… but i cant stop myself… from thinking about the results when august comes.. oso.. after that… "live begans" either a "to further" or "to reverse" hmm… got it?

nvm…

wow! but i cant really forget how good it feels today… the moment the clock ticks at 12pm.. where the paper end.. well, even before that… since the 2nd last paper.. i oredy been like celebrating.. like as if holidaying… aiyo~~ n especially yday… i juz cant stop thinking… wat would i be doing today nite.. tonite! now! wahahahahaha… i can sing.. i can play pc games… i can sleep.. i can watch tv… without feeling guilty!!!!!!! wahahahahahahaha….

n today, ahaha.. right after the exam… i rushed to times sq to meet my buddies.. long time never c them… wahahhaa… wat else? we went SING K! wahahahahahaha… been waiting for so long… for this day! life is juz terrible if i dont sing… lol.. this is crazy… so.. we end up singing for like.. emm.. 4 hrs i supposed… but still.. not enough! nvm.. continue at home!! lol

well, its pretty funny, thinking back of past few days.. when my dad picked me up after exam.. he was mentioning about getting a master after a degree in UM… n i was like… "huH??? study??? I DONT WANT STUDY ANYMORE LOR!!!!!!!!! it’s ok if juz study.. i love studying… but PLS NO EXAMS!!!!" then, my dad replied.. "where got such thing when u study but no exams??" lol…. then i said.. "exam is a total waste of time! study everything.. come out only little things.. wasted all my time, reading all those not coming out…" he then replied, "this is to test ur knowledge!"

LOL…. i dont care… conclusion, I HATE EXAMS! i still think, it’s a waste of time.. wasted all my watching tv time.. reading all those stuffs which din come out.. wasted my singing time.. where i sacrificed so much! understanding sth which didnt even come out in the exams, or i come out in a different way! ish!

watever it is.. it’s over!!! wahahahahahhahahahaa… well, this is not the end yet…..

i cant take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!

i really hate exams to the MAX~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there’s so much to remember!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…….. i hate hate hate hate exams!!!!!!!!!!!

excited n worried??

exams.. i would say.. in juz hours…. haiz.. damn shit!!! im so worried.. tht i din read enough… im so worried that i left out anything i muz read.. but i din even noe tht it existed… im so worry i read it.. i noe it.. but i forgotten it during exams… damn shit!

at the same time… im kinda excited as exams is finally coming… after leaving in hell.. having the worry feeling… being so hell stressed up.. so depressed…. aiyoo….

wat shd i be thinking right now?? care less n juz do all tht i can for the exams…. n let God do the rest??? oh God… it’s a damn difficult task! i really really hate tests, exams… anything which tests my potential, anything which tends to test my ability!!!!!

perhaps im having fear to face the truth.. tht…..

im a loser…. by the end of the day…?