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almost can’t take it anymore… i wonder how long will be able to stay patient n to accept everything i face every hour of my life…
this time, really…it’s seriously “meteor hit the earth” !!!!!!!!! wat a match!!!!! it’s so ironic that faith has brought these 2 together….
so tired of keeping awake… so fed up with things.. every single thing… wonder how long can i hang on to it…
i juz can’t take it anymore with the things i did n i didn’t do! not others!!!!!! :@
another poor month….
i realized that i’m poorer when im working compared to when i’m not!
jux got my paycheck in less than 48 hrs…..
yet… started counting down the days left til the next paycheck day!!! 
i no longer feel offended… mayb i still do… maybe not…. =,=”
but definitely, i feel bad… when i think of the things i did n i didnt do… which i shdn’t actually feel bad… y so good?? shdn’t feel bad!! shd continue doing wat i did… n not doing wat i didnt =P
however, i know i shdn’t have behave in such a way… one thing for sure.. it’s something from within… i’ve controlled it well, actually… at least i didnt do wat i really really shdn’t do….. well, all i did was juz “ignore”…. the best that i can do, the best way to calm myself down…. the best “reply”…
………. bed time…… … hence…. started crapping…. =)
why afraid?
why hide?
why avoid?
why lock up urself?
why living so real?
life = reality + fantasies… isn’t it?
why don’t give urself a chance?
why have I not……….
a friend of mine mentioned about someone…. i totally forgotten about this person… lol… which i don’t think i shd… cos of some silly memories.. well, anyways, i did.. i forgotten about this person…and…… perhaps a few more…
sitting here, looking back at those things i’ve done, we’ve done… it really makes me wanna laugh at my own stupidness, childishness!! but then again.. without that, there won’t be me here today! it’s becos of those silly things i did.. that made me grow… to be someone better from time to time!
i really wonder, what makes me to have such guts to do the things i did before.. (ps: nothing really like vandalisme, gangsterisme, taking drugs etc) perhaps, it was because of peer pressures or some kinda influences… i’m easily influenced back in school… and easily influence other people as well.. LOL
perhaps.. this is school life… u go to school… u do silly stuffs… LOL… cos there’s juz too much time spent in school!! LOL
well, again, like I said.. if nobody ever mention anybody’s name.. whoever it may be.. some acquaintances… i might totally forget about them… even we might have some moments where we spent together…
back at those days… i hated schools.. especially my Form 6… but right now, sitting here looking back… recalling back those times I spent with my buddies.. n the things I did n I never do… I kinda miss it a little… well, at least school life was better than working life.. u don’t spend 8 hrs or + at school… the longest… 5 to 6hrs… n u go to school.. u learn new stuffs everyday… u got peers… u mixed with them… group together.. plan up something n “cari pasal” then.. LOL… sat in class everyday praying hard that the tutors will never come in.. so we could sit there n chat whole day!! always “ponteng” schools giving lame reasons like sleeping/”sakit” LOL…. homework waited til other smart classmates completed it, then juz COPY & PASTE.. LOL (i wish i can do that now!!!)
u can’t definitely do such things now.. is either, u find it childish.. or u might end up doing illegal things.. LOL.. or u might not have those peers to do it with u… the “mood” is just no longer there!!! well, worse still.. u will be sacked if u “ponteng” by giving lame excuses like “i was sleeping at home” (i always tell that to my class teacher n i was a school prefect!! LOL) or.. if serious case.. u could face legal sanctions..
back in school, it was more like a “wonderland” … nothing seems so real… people are naive.. i “am” naive.. hehe.. no matter how bad some school mates were… at the end of the day… u will realized that… they were just being naive…. but right now… LIFE is REAL… A REALITY! people might no longer b naive, but real.. a real FAKER or an EVIL… u never know….
wow… i seriously forgotten about this person… whom I don’t think i shd forgotten about.. HAHAHA.. i wonder how many others who has left a mark in my heart i’ve actually forgotten….. HAHAHA… again, i really wonder what led me to do things i did back then.. LOL.. those things.. if i sit down n “think” back then.. those were the things i wouldn’t do… not just now.. but even then….
well, those were the “good” ol days… 
without it… there won’t be ME, just the way I am today I admit, I “woke up” from all those instances… to be ME (uniquely me… hehehehehe :P)
there’s really no such thing as “What If?”
but it’s about FATE.. something which has set for you..
believe it or not, it’s true, it’s real…
well, i dunno if this is only happening to me, or to most people, but i find that, whenever u sit there and start thinking about “What if …. ??” and finally the things will end up in a totally different way from all the “What If?” conclusion, is that, i should not strain my brain too much thinking (too much!)
i’m not saying we should all sit down there and wait for the “FATE” to happen.. but agree or not, this is TRUE! if something doesn’t belongs to u, no matter how hard u strive to get it, trust me, even if u get it, u will lose it somehow..
most things in life are basically FATED… and things which happen to us.. are happening for a reason..
life can or cannot be scripted.. but it can be FATED… so what’s the point of keep asking and thinking about “WHAT IF??”
i’ve come to a point in my life to really sit down n think about “MY AMBITION”. it’s seriously no longer, whatsoever, “i wanna be a doctor, a researcher, a scientist, a lawyer”. it’s also not so much about passion/interest.
well, i know i can still say MY AMBITION is to be a lawyer.. cause i’m already half way there…. just another step to reach that stage…. but again, like i said, it’s seriously, not so much about passion n interest… but it’s about MONEY!!! is really about which job pays most at this point in time… (well, at least for me).. this is life… isn’t it? u work for money… not about passion nor interest…
passion and interest CAN’T feed you, can’t feed our greedy lifestyles!!!
to me, interest and passion can be built from within… is not a FACT, but it’s something, perhaps, ever-changing. u might thought that this is not the job of your dream so and so, but if you try to find the meaning/rationale behind the job you are doing, i believe, you can definitely build some interest and passion.. well, of course, it’s a totally different story, if you can never ever find the meaning/rationale behind it… sorry then, you will seriously have to GET A NEW JOB!!! but i think, this can hardly happens to a person who is being REAL about life!
so, if anybody were to ask me what’s my AMBITION, i would turn to them and say “MY AMBITION IS HAVE A HAPPY, HARMONY, LUXURIOUS LIFESTYLE.. of course, A RESPECTABLE & REPUTABLE PERSON!” (well, of course, these terms are just toooo subjective… but to me, i’m a perfectionist!! =P, so it’s understandable how would i define these terms)
Chow Chow said to MC (final stage cancer and dying soon) :
" 爱情不是在乎结果 , 而是在乎过程
只要可以痛痛快快的爱一次 , 就算留下最美好的回忆
到最后能否在一起 ? 并不重要 "
Source : When A Dog Loves A Cat
another chat with Astrology Bot:
It may feel as if something or someone is trying to hold you back from moving ahead with your ambitious goals and aggressive nature, dear Virgo. At first you may be resentful of this ball and chain that is attached to you ankle, but on a closer examination, you will see that this hindrance is actually a help. For now it is serving as an important reminder to slow down, and do more thinking and planning before taking action.
Why is this thing so accurate??
